There’s been a relationship creating a lot of strife in my life. This person and I fail to agree on several levels.
And it was getting to me.
I’ve replayed the conversations repeatedly in my head.
I’ve told the story to others, exposing my opposition's annoying attitude while hoping to win their support.
None of this made me feel much better. In fact, over time my emotions felt more intense.
I still felt annoyed.
And I wanted to get over it. To be at peace, both with this person and the situation. I've been struggling to find a new perspective that would allow that to happen.
Some coaching helped illuminate the shift I’d been seeking.
The question was, "What did I think I needed to be at peace?"
Well, up until then I thought I needed to be right. I wanted this individual to agree with me and admit their wrongdoing.
"But is that true?" Is it true that for me to feel peaceful, I needed this person to agree with me?
A deep No.
My peace of mind has nothing to do with them. It is always my responsibility, not theirs.
I immediately saw how I was waiting for them to change so that I could feel better.
I saw my stubborn need to convince them to see my point of view.
I saw how I was placing my personal power in the hands of someone else, someone who could never deliver on that.
None of this was necessary for my personal peace.
I decided to redirect my energy and stop trying to be right. I quit overexplaining my viewpoint. And I no longer felt the need to win them over.
Instead, I chose to accept and allow their difference of opinion, while still holding fast to my own.
Neither viewpoint was wrong.
Acceptance of what is keeps us in our personal power.
There will always be differences in opinion, and it’s important to know what your values are and what is true for you. Impose boundaries, share your gifts, be present to the truth, and direct your own life…and allow others to take responsibility and do the same.
This is what creates peace of mind.
Comments