I would generally consider myself as proactive and an initiator. But there are times, even now, when I fall into a little bit of helplessness.
While I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself a victim-- where I’m at the mercy of my circumstances, with no control over what happens— I now see how my thinking sometimes overcomplicates my life.
When a coach recently pointed out a way that I was contributing to my own state of victimhood, it was eye-opening.
I’m sharing it here because I think it will be so powerful for many of you, too.
So many of my clients are like me (as we say in chemistry, “like attracts like” 😊) which is perfect because it means that every time I solve for something in my own life, I know it will be helpful for my people, too.
What I noticed is that there are things that I consider to be my superpowers, that I’m naturally good at. BUT, when I hold onto that idea too tightly, it leaves me feeling a bit powerless.
Here’s the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) thought that I can now recognize as self-limiting:
“No one can do it as well as I do”.
No one shops for groceries as well as I do.
No one does the laundry as well as I do.
No one takes care of the kids as well as I do.
No one tutors the kids as well as I do.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to know your strengths. And it’s 100% okay to prefer your way of doing things.
But when you decide that you are the authority on all these things, can you see the trappings of this?
I hadn’t!
Until I did.
And then I initially felt the uneasiness of delegating and letting go.
Being the preferred person to do things is a sneaky way of clinging to control. It makes you irreplaceable in every situation. But in the end, since you’re the only one who can do these things right (and everyone else is unteachable, LOL) you’re on duty… for life.
How does THAT feel?
I’m still finding all the places where this thought “No one does it as well..” shows up.
When I realized the confines I had created for myself, I was able to decide where I’d like more freedom.
You can free yourself too.
Notice where you are trapping yourself, clinging to this thought that only you can do it right.
Ask yourself :
Is it true that I’m the only one who can do this?
How it would it feel if I set that thought free, to free up my own time and energy?
Am I willing to share the load, and have these things done differently, so that I can focus on other matters that are maybe more fulfilling?
Notice what comes up for you. And remember, this thought is a habit, just like any other habit.
Once you can see your thought habits, you have the power of choice. You can choose whether or not you want to keep thinking the thought.
You always get to choose.
P.S.—Noticing subtle thoughts and feelings, and how they show up in your body is the most powerful way to make lasting change. This is what makes my coaching and mind-body program, Aligned, so unique and fun.
If you don’t know why you can’t create or maintain healthy habits, there’s something you're not seeing for yourself. Coaching shows you these blind spots. So come to a call. I will show you.
Goals don’t have to be something that you wrestle with and have to obsess over. Everything becomes a choice when you can see your options. You'll feel safe and grounded when you find power that's available to you. This changes everything when it comes to creating consistency and not quitting on yourself.
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