Recently I came across a simple concept that was so profound that it shocked me!
It was the idea that in any relationship, things become SO much easier when you assume that you are both on the same team.
My mind likes to keep score.
For example, in my marriage, my mind liked to keep score of how much I was doing (or how little he was doing!).
But that type of thinking doesn’t serve either one of us.
The concept of team-thought feels so monumentally freeing. Living from this new perspective has erased a lot of resentment and frustration.
What If We Really Are On the Same Team?
Staying in the us-versus-them thought pattern trains our brains to continuously look for evidence of what is lacking and how we are suffering.
We notice how the other party isn’t pulling their weight, and we pit ourselves against each other.
But is that who we really are? To what extent do our individual objectives differ ?
In a family, does only one of us want a clean kitchen, or healthy children, or loving relationships?
When we put it that way, it sounds kind of ridiculous.
In most cases, we want similar things.
Of course, with our unique minds, the process by which we work toward mutual goals will look different. That’s okay! When we accept our diverse perspectives, we gain greater compassion and appreciation for one another.
Individual Focus vs Team-Focus
When we stay individually-focused, our minds make everything personal. We’re always searching for evidence of where we were wronged. We think that things are always happening to us, rather than for us.
The world appears unjust. Other people’s actions feel too personal.
Living in that reality feels like a wound that never has the chance to heal. Our hearts become closed as we try to protect ourselves from the next hurt.
But with team-thought, we can safely shift away from personal protection. With a “we” consciousness, the focus radiates outward toward something larger than ourselves.
The attention moves to common ground and service for each other.
The Fascinating Truth about Self-Focus
When we’re solely focused on self , we aren’t actually in relationship with one another.
Instead, we are in a relationship with our own perceptions of others. We create our reality from our thinking. Our experience is always a reflection of those thoughts.
When I recognized this, I saw that if my mind was looking for how I’d been wronged, the people I love couldn’t stand a chance.
In that default thinking, they are forever falling short of my expectations.
I judge them for being self-centered, as I turn my own focus inward.
But there is another option available, where I choose to believe that we are on the same side.
Being on the same side is game-changing.
Approaching relationships this way removes walls of shame. It gives us an invitation to be honest and authentic with one another.
Team-thought promotes more open communication. Both parties can freely express their thoughts and emotions without fear of repercussions.
Jumping to judgment has always remained optional, but in team-thinking we are less prone to do it.
There is freedom in that.
Our minds instinctively want to focus inward. But we can train ourselves to approach life with a more open heart.
What might change when we decide that we’re on the same side?
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